Most People Think Conflict Is Bad: The Truth Is Substantive Frequent Conflict is Good!
Most people think conflict is a bad thing. But, the truth is that conflict can be good. Let me explain why. I like to use Patrick Lencioni’s depth frequency conflict model.
On the vertical axis is depth and on the horizontal axis is frequency.
I’ll describe how Patrick thinks about it because I definitely agree with Pat this time.
In the lower left is rare and shallow conflict, which means you don’t bring up the conflicts that you’re having. You’re not talking about them and you don’t solve them, which is ineffective.
In the upper left quadrant, conflict is rare but it’s substantial. We’re getting better in this quadrant. At least we’re finding substantive solutions to the conflicts and challenges we’re having. However, it’s not happening often because we aren’t addressing them as frequently as needed.
In the lower right quadrant there is frequent, but shallow conflict. This isn’t a great place to be either. This means you’re bickering a lot and not solving anything. Can you think of a team that is like this? Most of the time when we think about this type of team, they seem dysfunctional, to be honest.
The best quadrant to be with managing conflict is in the upper right. This is frequent and substantive conflict. That means frequently you are talking about the issues that need to be addressed and you are solving them. You are working through the challenges.
For years, I was an EOS Implementer®. I loved the EOS® model of Identify, Discuss, and Solve (IDS™). In weekly meetings, most of the time is spent on IDS, which means asking what the issues are and having discussions around them in order to solve them. It was a really brilliant, concise way to keep teams in the upper right quadrant – frequent and substantive conflict resolution.
As a leader, you need to show up with the skills to help pull your team into this quadrant. That means you need to have the courage to bring people to the conversations, challenges, and issues that really need to be talked about.
If you don’t do it, it’s possible nobody else will.
Next time you have a conflict, I challenge you to think about this depth-frequency conflict model and ask yourself “Where’s my team performing? What do I need to do as a leader to pull my team into the upper right?”
Show up boldly, ask the questions, and lay the challenges out on the table.
